Korea will always always have a special place in my heart despite the fact that it’s given me so much heart ache, pain, sorrow and tears. I can’t ignore or forgot the joy and relief it also offered me but in a painful way of course.
I know I was not wanted in Korea (by my birth parents) or by my family. My life wasn’t worth much, I wasn’t worth much. A Korean woman isn’t worth as much as a Korean man even though we live in the 21st century. Of course Korea is slowely making progress and now they have a female president at last.
I know my feelings doesn’t make any sense at all, I still love Korea the country where I was born; my motherland. There’s still a silent song running through my blood a song of longing and belonging that I can’t explain. Even though I know there may be many years until I set foot in Korea the land of Morning Calm again. Truthfully I might never see my biological siblings ever again which is a pity I know. But it might be for the best that things are left unturned…
Logically there’s no longer any reason for me to still insist on my loaylity towards Korea , it’s people and events. My birth family will always live in Korea just as I most likely will reside in Europe or the Western World if not Sweden. Until recently I had a valid reason for wanting to not only visit but to actually travel there to plan a future and to start a life there.
There are still many things that I never will come to understand about Korea , it’s people and society and culture. I can strive to try to understand it but even though I’m 100 % ethnically Korean. I was raised to be 100 % European a Scandinavian a Swede. This of course is conflict of interest in itself and maybe also a contradiction all the same.
I know of a few Korean values and manners some are more interesting than others but to accept something that so totally speaks against everything that I am is not a compromise I’m willing to make. The values and manners that I learned of may or may not be things that I agree to but I respect the people who may share those and ultimately believe in them.