You’ve Got Mail

I have been doing just fine for about the last 3 or 4 months of 2012.  Really well in fact, the promise I made myself was to try to not forsake myself on the behalf of my birth family.  I slowely begun to stop thinking about them, what they were doing I even managed to somehow forgot their birthdays. (Korean birthdays are tricky they are never on the same date since they use the Lunar calender).

I was even thinking my New Year’s resolution for this year would be to focus more on myself and my needs, and not so much my onnis, namdong saeng and bumonis… Maybe I was to bold and brave…

Because I opened my mail box some time ago and wouldn’t you have it there was a an email from them (my other family). The letter or mail was really long and I was very surprised and honestly didn’t know what to think of it. But it also reignated that feeling of guilt and burden somehow (because I am still very much aware of the reason why I wanted to take a break from my birth family and those reasons my still be there).

Regardless the content of the same letter gave me a small amount of hope…It was I who decided to tell them I’m taking a timeout not the other way around. I am not sure I am emotionally ready to try to mend things it might be too soon…

I am afraid that if I try to reach out it might develop into that same situation which were the reason I sort of wanted to put things on hold. I am honestly not expecting much… I think I learned that despite how much I’d like to be real sister to my siblings and a loving and caring daughter to my parents I might never be accepted as no matter what good intentions I might have. Once I fully accepted that I may just feel ready to try to reach out again but this time I know what signs to look for in case things turn out in a all to familiar way…

♥쟈금은 안녕♥

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